E 18: Lerrv Is Bad

My current relationships can define me as a sort of a versatile in love; The two of them having extreme qualities.
My first was childish, beautiful, so sweet, charming, and playing safe. This was the time when I considered from beginning to end that I babysat. But it felt good here because we were both oozing with sugar until the latter part of our relationship when I noticed a sudden coldness growing and it was not from me.
My second was more mature, not as beautiful as the first, not sweet enough, socially active, and says opinions no matter what. Here, I almost not feel any spark that I am made to think that I was made to think that I am only good in bed.
I lasted for more than a year with my first, undergoing a lot of circumstances that challenged us in many ways. The supposed to be 'perfect' person I had in my second barely even introduced me to any friend nor family. Our relationship was almost like a solo act: I did most of everything about us. 
Call me bitter but I just realized that their love for me seemed to revolve on things; my wallet for the first and my tool for the second. I keep on reflecting if there is something wrong with me when I'm in a relationship with someone that they tend to fool around with me. To find that is hard because I was almost superior to my first and almost inferior to my second (despite me being the older one). It's just so sad that I never dare to find a third party when I am tied with someone but they go throwing themselves around in pits of men. I am worried; something's wrong with me. I'm not sure. I love truthfully but it seems that it is not enough for them.
Sometimes, I even thought of not loving anymore. It always starts out fine and then there's a feeling of tragedy near the end. And guess what, I am the more affected one when it ends. No, it doesn't breakeven.
Sometimes I wonder if my third will be the RIGHT ONE for me since my first had a too weak character while my second had an extreme strong one. But that doesn't bother me in the mean time. I guess just loving myself and living a better life will keep me from the pain that love can always provide.