In a Holy Week, my friends and I decided to travel to some quite far place to unwind for the rest of the weekend. As we found ourselves under the slight influence of alcohol at a certain later time in the evening, we reached a point when we wanted to talk about something deeper. Hence, I opened the topic about cheating for the four of us. Suddenly, the house we were in turned into a session hall where a definition of a word is being discussed to finalize what is going to be in a dictionary.
What is cheating?
"It is when a person in a relationship flirts with another person."
"Wait, we cannot really claim that cheating."
"Why is that?"
"Sometimes, what we do do not seem like flirting. Instead, our partners would only think that it is."
"Okay, then what is flirting?"
"When one, who is in a relationship, tries to go beyond friendship with someone else."
"Like..?"
"Hmmm..."
"Let's say you say too sweet things to someone else."
"Or hold their hand...?"
"Or use sexual innuendos?"
"Probably."
"But let's say that I am only a naughty person, and you guys know me a lot that I just joke around and try to hold one's hand or attempt to kiss but not really want to do it... And I know that person's lover and that lover knows that I just do it without any malice at all. Will it be accounted for an act of cheating?"
"Hmmm..."
Thinking..
"Maybe not."
"I think so too. Well, there are people who JOKE around like that but really have the intention. Knowing myself, I know that trying to really "FLIRT" is not my intention. I've done that a lot since I am the biggest joker in our circle of friends."
"Okay, let's put it this way: The lover doesn't know that you're doing it to his or her partner.Do you think that would be a form of cheating?"
"I think only the person in the 'cheating' situation should know whether what is happening is a form of flirting or not. The person in a relationship who is being 'flirted' or 'flirting' someone should be able to distinguish if his or her act is a form of cheating or not."
"And he or she will be guilty if he or she knows deep inside that he or she cannot mention it to the partner. So, it depends on the person who is in the situation?"
"I think we should base it on both the person and the partner."
"How is that?"
"If the partner does not favor what happened with his or her lover, I guess that's already cheating. The lover should also know that, too. So cheating basically depends on what they think of the situation."
There ends the story. Then, I thought: What if the couple cannot agree with each other; A thinks he or she does not flirt while B thinks it is a form of cheating. I really think it depends on the person who is in the situation that is allegedly a form of cheating. One should know if his or her acts mean something else, that it can lead to disloyalty. By knowing that his or her act can make someone else fall for him or her, knowing that he or she might fall also, and knowing that it can emotionally wound his or her partner, one could possibly deny that it is cheating. I think it can be bad at times, but maybe sometimes, one just finds someone new and better. But anyways, the best thing to do to avoid this is to know one's limits. Anyway, I still find this topic a little complicated.
I remeber how I told an ex bf that I can allow him to flirt but will not allow him to cheat. Told him that since i wanted to concentrate with school and mye ducation. So i let him flirt with someone else cos i know i couldn't be with him 24/7 but days have past and i always invite him to stay over in my pad so we could spend more quality time together...then another day had passed and he's been acting a bit fishy, when he flirts he'd tell me he'd went out with this guy and that guy, i asked him before whats troubling him. i attempted to chekc out his phone and he refused for me to check it out and he even deleted me on his account online where he usually does all his flirting innuendos. : \
ReplyDeleteand it came, i had to check his phone secretly and so i did, and found out that he's been going out with someone, ont he message it even says that he forgot soem of his clothes at that guys house.... :| i wanted to break down, swear but couldnt and i had to be strong.....but then after a few horus iw ent to my room where he was sleeping, and confronted him that i opened his phone and read that message....he explained and even told me that it was role-playing, nothing happened, it was justa role-play theyre doing over the phone, pfft! I can't believ ehim knowing how malandi he is. I gave in and trusted his excuse... but i do know that something happened cos there's one text message i saw that i deleted that proved that he went out and slept with the guy the other day.
It was really hurtful for me, as I was a person who'd flirt a lot and easily give in to someone else's sweetness. :( It's sad that i let him flirt, the reaosn why is because i felt that he's gonna be someoen i cud trust and someoen who's like me who's in for a change. i thought he would not flrit when i let him do it (reverse psychology) but he did flirt. : \
because for me flirting is not considered cheating. for me, u flirt because u want to do thigns that u couldn't do to your lover since u wanted to respect your lover and the thign su cant do to him/her is somethign ud do to others, thats a form of flirting, in my opinion. in the end i would choose my lover over the person im flirting with since i dont really LOVE whomever i flirted with, flirting is a way of communicating with someone else and just trying to befriend that person, its not a form of loving someone. :( ang saaaaad but yeah thats how i see it and i dont feel like flirting anymore after what he has done pfft!