E 57: My Birthnight (Revised)

Locked inside, alone, filled with hatred, I sat at the end of the bed with mind overflowing with memories; bad and nothing good. I had no idea where to go now. There was no escape from this nightmare. I looked at the drawer. Inside the topmost drawer dwells the weapon of my mortality. I got off the bed and pulled the drawer open and found that weapon gleaming against the dim light of the bedroom.

The knife.

Sadness continued to force the tears into falling from my cold eyes. But I was numb enough not to cry. However, this numbness had no chance of keeping me from realizing what the world had kept me from having. All my ambitions, goals, dreams.... How the world seemed to erase them from existing in my own universe.

I debated within myself. Is it the right thing to do? I guess so. I knew there was another voice in me contradicting that idea. But I was deaf with the persistence of melancholy and grudge.

Something has got to end.

I had the point of the blade enter my skin and my physical being. Oh, how it gracefully entered my spirit!! How good it felt to have pain as my source of pleasure. Indeed, pain had been the source of pleasure all my life!

This isn't my act of defeat. It is my act of triumph. I am entering deeper into the place where no one else can ever enter; A place I only conquer.

The cold shiny blade traveled on a road unknown and untraveled. It went on a few more distance from where it started and the flow of vermilion was the flow of freedom.

Then, I lay on one corner and let the flow of freedom reach reality. It reached the floors of the room. It was welcomed by the room's dim light. It gave birth to me.

The birth of my immortality.

I am not defeated. It is the start of everything. I embraced death; My Birthnight.

I sat there, staring coldly and blankly on the walls of the room. I felt drowsy. Of pain? Of bliss? I didn't know. It was the strangest feeling of all. The silence added the eeriness of the event.

I waited.

The light of the room seemed to fade. The vision was becoming blurry. Triumph. Freedom. Who ever thought people could defeat me, when all this time I have the power over myself?

Waiting.

Waiting..

-March 30, 2007- The year figures. :D